


Cross My Heart

by tenaciousk



Series: Cross my Heart [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Dirty Talk, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Sexual Content, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-16 23:29:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9294449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenaciousk/pseuds/tenaciousk
Summary: From the point of view of the original character, Kira. Set at Tommy's dam when Joel and Ellie come to town. Kira is instantly attracted to Joel, and there is a bit of a relationship twist. Doesn't follow the original story arc well, but it comes together. Also eventual smut. Enjoy





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is also my first story, I would love comments and suggestions. Thanks!

Chapter One  
I was on my way to find Maria to hear what the commotion at the front gate was about, when all of a sudden I heard the alarm bell sound. I immediately ran to the compartment that held my rifle and shotgun. Grabbing both, I sprinted to the wall where Maria stood giving orders the men who stood around her. When she saw me she motioned me by nodding her blonde hair towards the table.   
Once I made it to the table she looked at me, “I need you at the top of the wall. You are the best shot we’ve got. Go.” She ordered.  
I ran to the stairs that led up the left side of the wall. Right as I reached the top step I heard a hunter yelling something then I felt a bullet whiz past my left shoulder. I crouched down, and once one more shot was fired, I aimed and hit a hunter between the eyes. I crouched down and moved to the next covered rail. Two came up the scaffolding, but in anticipation I had thrown a nail bomb at the base, which killed both instantly.  
At the end of the battle, I had killed seven hunters, and injured another. I knew I was safe, so I jumped down the scaffolding and ran to the injured bastard trying to crawl away to safety. Once I reached him, I yanked him up from ground and connected my fist with his nose shattering the bone within. His curse muffled by the blood pouring into his mouth.  
“Who sent you?” I yelled. His evil toothless smile gave me shivers.   
“Kira!” I heard Tommy yell down at me.   
Instead of turning away from my enemy, I shout back, “I caught one.” I smile a cold smile toward the injured man below me. The man laying below me cackled. I snarled at him. He didn’t seem scared, but I knew he should have be.   
“Kira! Wait a minute. I’m coming down.” Tommy yelled.  
“I’ve got this Tommy. Stay put. I’m gon-ugh!” In the small moment I turned my head to order Tommy, the hunter below me kicked me off him, and sat on top of my stomach. He hit my face making my features screw up. I bit the inside of my cheek when his fist connected with my face, and blood spewed from my mouth. I tried kicking and squirming, but his hold was too strong. He grabbed a gun from the back of his pants and pointed it at my head. I stared wide eyed. I could feel all color leave my face. Then in a second my faced was covered in blood. I shut my eyes and then felt the heavy body of the hunter slump on top of me. I grunted as I pushed the body off of me and crawled away. “Fuck you!” I kick the headless corpse once I stand, and felt redeemed. I turned to look at Tommy who is holding a gun, and I marched over to him. I may have only been a few inches smaller than him, but I bulk up.   
“What the hell, Tommy! I had him!” I threw me hands in the air.   
“I didn’t shoot him.” He looked a little amused. My eyes squinted and my mouth turned into a hard line.   
“What do you mean you didn’t shoot him?” I step back. Tommy’s eyes look over my shoulder. I turned around and saw a man standing there. His salt-and-peppered hair disheveled. He looked at me with cold eyes and his tall frame was ridged. I realized that I had seen that man before, and not just in the face of my leader who stood behind me. I turned to Tommy with surprise on my face. Tommy came between the two of us.   
“Joel, this is-“Tommy was interrupted by a shrill shout.  
“Kira!” I recognized that voice anywhere. I look past Joel’s shoulder to see a young girl running towards me. I run to meet her. I fell to my knees weeping with joy hugging the young girl.  
“Ellie!” I cry and I feel her tears soaking my shirt.   
I grab her face in mine and look into those green eyes. “How on earth are you here?” I ask.   
She smiles and looks behind her at the tall boding figure. His eyebrows raised in question. I stand up and walk towards him. I’m mere inches from his face even and looking up at him.   
“Why the hell do you have my sister?” I spit. His eyes widen even more.


	2. Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick chapter to develop Kira

Chapter Two  
He looks down at me and then back at Ellie.   
“You didn’t tell me you had a sister, kid.” Ellie blushes and digs the toe of her shoe in the ground.   
“I thought… I mean… I didn’t…” She sputters. That wasn’t normal Ellie, she usually had some smartass thing to respond with.  
“We thought each other was dead.” I say quietly once I comprehend her and I had the same idea. I look down and back up at Joel through my lashes. When I do he takes a sharp inhale of breath and then looks away and then at Ellie. I step away and grab my younger sister. Checking her cheeks for any damage done. There was a small scratch, but it looked like it was from hit a branch or maybe a scratch. She slaps my hand away playfully.   
“I’m fine, Kira! Damn.” She states under her breath.   
“Language.” I glare at her. She rolls her eyes.   
I stand and walk back over to Joel. “You still haven’t answered my question.” I squint my eyes and poke a finger at him. He steps closer, as though he isn’t afraid of me, but he should be. He has my damn sister for crying out loud.   
“We might need to talk in private.” He glances around and then his eyes come back to mine.   
“I’m not leaving my sister just to talk to you.”   
“She can come along.” He grumbles. I look over at Tommy, and see him nod. His expression tells me that he trusts his estranged brother. Something I thought wasn’t possible.  
“Fine. Come on, Ellie.” She beams at me and wraps an arm around my waist. I hear the grumpy man behind me shuffle as he picks up his pack, and then follow.  
I lead both of them to my cabin. I open the door and Ellie runs in and lands on the sofa in the middle of the room.   
“Ellie, feet off the furniture.” I say I go and sit next to her, and put a protective arm around her. Joel walks in, and sets his pack by the door. He wipes his muddy boots on the make-shift carpet at the door. I smile slightly at his sudden courteous ways. I give Ellie a noogie while Joel finds a seat in the armchair across from me. She wriggles away from me, and scoots close to me and then stares at Joel with wide eyes. She isn’t afraid of him, but I can tell she respects him.  
“So?” I look at Joel.   
“So.” He repeats.   
I lean forward and so does he.   
“I’m a smuggler.” He starts. I look at him confused, and so he leans forward even more, and then rubs his beard. He’s trying to figure out where to go next in his story.  
“Marlene hired him.” Ellie jumps in.   
My head shoots to look down at her. I hadn’t heard that name in forever. “What? Marlene? Why?”   
“I’m a fucking superhero, that’s why!” She says jumping in her seat.  
“Language!” I glare at her. “What do you mean?”  
She looks at me and bites her lower lips. She becomes quiet all of a sudden. Her green eyes shoot towards Joel, and he takes a deep breath and exhales.  
“She’s immune.” He says slowly.  
“Immune?”   
“To the infection.” His face blank as though he is trying to read me.  
“No. That’s impossible.” I sit up straight  
He shakes his head. Then looks at Ellie.  
“Show ‘er.” He orders her.  
I raise an eyebrow and then look at the sweet girl sitting beside me. She slowly pushes her sleeve up, and I see a bite mark. I jump back.  
“What the fuck? You’re infected.” I say and stand up.  
“Language!” She yells. “And this is a couple of months old.” She says quickly.   
I grab her arm, and look at the scar. It would have spread further by now, and it would definitely not be scarred. I look between her and Joel for a moment.   
“How is this even possible?” I mumble.   
Joel shakes his head. “Hell if I knew. I’ve been with for most of the time, and she can breathe in spores all day, and be fine.”   
I sit down on the edge of the couch. Shaking my head.   
“We’re going to see some Fireflies to help find a cure.” Ellie states matter-of-factly. I glare at Joel.   
“Ellie, why don’t you go to the horses? I’m sure they could use the help.” I keep my eyes on Joel.  
“You guys have horses?” Her face brightens. “Can we hang out later, sis?” she says quietly. Both Joel and I look at her and our expressions both soften.   
“Of course, kiddo. I’ll find you.” I smile and watch her leave my cabin.   
When I know she is far enough away, I stand up and walk over to Joel, who stands dominantly when he sees me approach.   
“You’re going to get her killed!” I yell.   
“I’ve done a good job so far of not doing that.” He glowers down at me.  
“But who’s to say you won’t?” I stand with my arms folded.  
“Look, lady. I’m not going to abandon her.” He shouts. “I’m not like you.” His caramel eyes turn dark.  
My lip curls up, and I can feel tears pricking at my eyes. “I didn’t abandon her you asshole! I was captured during a fucking job for the Fireflies! And when I was able to go back to Boston, I had received a letter from Marlene saying that Ellie was better off without a sister like me, and told her I was dead. Then I received word about a month ago stating that Ellie was dying. So what was the point in going back, when by the time I made it she would have been dead? So don’t you dare tell me that I abandoned her! I abandoned the hope of ever seeing her again! I was barely surviving, and I would not have brought my sister into that. She deserved better.” I felt the tears fall from my eyes. Why the hell was I crying in front of this stranger? I never cried.   
He sighed, and I could see him physically relax. He rubbed his beard, but kept his eyes on me.   
“I’m sorry. I just assumed.” His jaw twitched slightly.  
I take a deep breath, “Well, you know what assuming does. It makes an ass out of u and me.” I smile slightly. I noticed a twitch at the corner of his mouth and slight laughing sound escape his sexy lips. The air in the room becomes lighter, and I walk to the kitchen. “Want a drink?”   
“That’d be great. Thanks.”   
As I pour the whiskey into two cups, he walks to the bay window by the dining room table, and looks outside. I walk over to him, His broad shoulders seem relaxed, but I can tell he is a man always on guard. I nudge his arm and hand him the whiskey. He takes a sip and inhales sharply.  
“Nice view.” He says looking at the mountains.  
“Yeah. I killed the guy who lived here for it.” He looks down at me with furrowed eyebrows.   
“He was infected. Clicker.” I laugh. He huffs. I guess he’s not much of a laugher, but it’s a start.  
I take a swig of the alcohol and it burns as it goes down, and it reminds me that I hadn’t ate all day.   
“I’m going to make supper for Ellie and I, you’re welcome to join.”   
“I’ll probably have dinner with Tommy and Maria.”   
“Oh. Of course.”   
I start to run out of conversation topics. Commenting on the weather is a thing from the past. Asking about a person’s career is not even a question anymore. What the hell do I talk about with this brick wall? This handsome and courageous and southern brick wall. I don’t realize I’m staring until he turns to look at me.   
“How old are you?”   
“Twenty-eight. Why?”   
His eyes narrow even more, and then looks out the window. “You were fourteen when your sister was born? Huh.”   
“Our mother had a boyfriend. He was trash, but then again our mother was too. Mom got preggers, Mr. Trash left her ass, and I was left in charge.” I shrug.  
“Ellie was a cute kid, but always got into places she shouldn’t have.” I walk over to a chair at the table.  
“She still does the same.” He looks almost nostalgic.  
“Some things never change.” I use my index finger to circle the rim of my glass. I look up after a few moments to see Joel looking at me quizzically.   
“How’d she die? Your mother.” He looks as though he might have crossed a line and is ready to bolt.   
“Ellie got into a place she wasn’t supposed to be. My mom and I went to find her, and we ran into some clickers. My mom had one too many doses of drugs that night, and distracted the clickers while Ellie and I ran, even though we could have snuck around them if she were more patient and not doped up. Then again, she was never right in the head. We got home, and waited a few hours until our mother came back. Marlene was with us, Ellie was ushered into her room once we saw the bite marks all up and down my mother’s arms. My mother said to take care of Ellie, and then I shot her. Marlene helped me with the body. Ellie didn’t seem to notice, or just didn’t care.”   
When my eyes met his, he looked sympathetic.   
“I know that must have been difficult.” His southern drawl drawing me in. It was almost hypnotic.  
I shrugged. “What else was I supposed to do? I had to take care of her, and that’s what I always did… Until I couldn’t.” His silence didn’t make me uncomfortable, but it made me feel like I could tell him anything.  
“Thanks, Joel.” His eyes dart up and stare intently into mine. “For keeping her safe.”  
“She’s important.” He titled his head and shrugged. He resumed looking out the window. I knew that his words meant more than what he was willing to let on. 

The rest of the evening was spent joking and talking with Ellie. She told me all of her adventures she’d had since I left her seven years ago. She cried when she told me about Riley. I was sad to hear it. I remember what good friends they were. I made soup from the fresh ingredients from my garden, and Ellie ate three helpings. She laughed when I asked her if Joel ever fed her, and she stated that there was never time and they worked up appetites with all the running. When she was finished with dinner I made a fire in the fireplace, and she turned on the stereo. She danced around acting like the little kid she deserved to be. Around eleven she crashed and I carried her to my bedroom and covered her up with my quilt. I cracked the door and walked to the front of the cabin. I changed the CD in the stereo to Hank Williams. I swayed as I washed the dishes.  
I heard a knock on the door, and went to open it. There he stood, the handsome, silent man of my dreams.   
“Can I come in?” He asked with a slight smile.


	3. Midsummer's dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn how Joel and Kira first met. Things also get heated.

Chapter Three  
“Joel? Is everything alright?” I ask as I step aside to let him in.  
“Is Ellie awake?” He walked past me into the warm cabin.  
“No. I just put her in my bed. She’s out cold.”  
“It’s been a busy day for us both.” He says. I can tell he’s dancing around the reason he’s here.  
“What’s the matter Joel?” He scoots, and then looks at the couch.  
“You want to sit?” I inquire.   
“Yes ‘am. Please.” I watch him walk over to the couch with that way that most native Texans walk. Strong and manly, and man does it look sexy.   
Once we are both seated, he begins to talk.  
“Ellie and I are going to spend a week here, so we can spend time with family, but then we need to head out to Colorado.”   
“I’m coming with you guys.” I state sitting upright.  
“No.” He says calmly.   
“Why not?” I start to become angry, and in my irritation I start rubbing my right thumb into my left palm. I do it to remind myself not to punch the much larger man sitting a foot away from me.  
“We can’t afford it. You need to stay behind because Ellie can’t lose you again.”  
“But I’m losing her by letting her go.” I exclaim.   
“Shh.” He whispers. “I understand, but I promise you that she will be brought back safe and sound. I will make sure she does.” His southern accent mesmerizing me.  
I chew on my bottom lip and contemplate this information.  
“Cross your heart?” I look him dead in the eye, and for the first time he smiles. It’s a genuine smile.  
“Cross my heart.” He marks and X over his heart.   
I chew my lip again, and look into his eyes. Damn! They make me melt. The intensity of them makes a knot form in my lower belly. I start to wonder what his lips would feel like against mine. I momentarily forget what we had been talking about, but then I realize that I should be upset and annoyed at this man for taking my sister away from me again.   
“Let me think about it. Okay?” I say with a menacing tone, but it doesn’t reach my eyes.   
“Okay.” I know that means he’ll let me think about it, but it won’t make a difference. I lean back against the couch and take a deep breath.   
“I like Hank Williams.” He says finally. I peek over at him and laugh.  
“You would.” I say jokingly.  
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little Hank.” He says with a little bit of mock offense.  
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with Hank.” I say impersonating his accent. “I’m just saying most southerners love him.”  
He laughs. “And what would you know about southerners?”   
“My dad was from Dallas. I lived there until I was twelve. We moved to Boston after that. That’s how we met Marlene. She was a Firefly leading us.”   
He grumbles. I look over at him.  
“What?” I inquire.   
“We never met in Boston?” He leans back into the couch watching me.  
“I remember you.” I say quietly. Trying to bring my eyes to look into his. When I finally look up at him. He makes a small noise.   
“I thought I’d seen those green eyes somewhere before. I just thought it was because you and Ellie look alike.” He sits up a little. “It was that night at the bar. Wasn’t it?” He declares in a hushed voice.   
“Yes.” I whisper.  
“You must have been, what? Eighteen?” He looks at me carefully.   
That night haunts both my thoughts and my dreams every day.  
***  
I was at a bar that was very selective when it came to clientele. I had just found a job there being a waitress, and I was also brand new to what we called ‘working the floor’. This meant finding a customer to please for the night that would provide a hefty sum of ration cards. I was new to working the floor. In reality I was actually new to the idea of sex. I was a virgin, but that’s what was “appealing to customers” as the boss man put it. I tried my best to stay along the wall that night, but when too many of the girls left with customers upstairs, I had to wait on their tables. I was immediately bombarded with men touching me, and groping me. I tried to slide away, but one soldier grabbed me and pressed me against his hardness. I yelped because he grabbed my hair and made me look at him.   
“I call dibs on this fresh meat.” He yelled, and his buddies laughed. They kept whooping and hollering, and I was subjected to crude comments and inappropriate touching. I tried to get away, but it wasn’t until a stranger grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him, but he didn’t touch me inappropriately. Instead he whispered in my ear. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of this.” He let my wrist go and stepped in front of me.   
“Sorry boys. I’ve already made my payment to the boss. Y’all can have another girl.” His gruff southern accent made me somehow feel more comfortable.  
He turned toward me, and for the first time I met his dark eyes with my green. He was handsome with black hair, and a fetching beard growing on his face. His eyes showed kindness. He grabbed my hand, and walked me upstairs. I knew what was about to come when we reached the door to my room. He opened the door and held it open to me. I stepped in and took a few breaths. I turned toward him. He just looked at me with those warm eyes.   
“Are you ready, sir?” I asked with a shaky voice.   
He looked over at the window and said “Why don’t we get you out of here?”  
I looked at him shocked, “We can’t leave the room, sir. It’s against the rules.”   
“Well, you can break them because you are quittin’.” He says as he fiddles with the window. He props it open and looks back at me.  
“What?”   
He held out his hand, “Come on. I have orders to get you out of here.”   
“From who?”   
“Let’s just say I owe this person a favor, and I hate owing people.” He said and his stuck his hand out further toward me. I grabbed it. Next thing I know we are walking across building tops, and when we get to the bridge that leads to my apartment he stops. I turned toward him and stopped.   
“Aren’t you coming?”   
“No.” He states softly.  
“Oh.” I don’t know what else to say except, “Thank you.”   
He smiles. I start walking, but I feel a hand wrap around my arm. I turn and then I realize I owe him. Now I know what he means about owing people.  
“Oh. You need payment.” I say sheepishly. “I don’t have any ration cards, but…” He steps closer.  
“No.” He whispers.  
I look up at him. His face was so handsome, I couldn’t believe he was really there.   
“I…err. I could pay you back in…”  
“No.” He cut me off. I stare at the ground. What does he want? He begins to fish around in his back pocket.  
“Here. Take these.” He hands me ration cards.   
“Oh! No. I couldn’t take those, you’ve already done so much.” I place my hand on his hand to push it away, but the feeling shocks me. I notice his shift, and I slightly jump.  
“Take these. They should last until you find another job.” He grabs my hand and pushes them into my palm.  
I look up at this hero standing before me.  
“It took me a long time to secure that job.” I say nervously.  
His gaze pierces me. “You can always find work. I’m not saying that I agree with their endeavor, but the Fireflies are a good place to start.” He smiles. I turn to walk away.  
“Joel.” He states quickly.  
I turn and hum a questioning sound.  
“My name. It’s Joel.” He shrugs.  
“Kira.” I take a step toward him.   
“It was nice meeting you, Kira.” My name coming from his lips sends a warmth between my legs that I never thought would occur.  
I stand on my tip toes and kiss his rough cheek. I smile and walk home  
***  
I’m brought back to the present by the sound of a small laugh. I look toward Joel and he’s smiling.  
“You’ve changed.” He looks at me intently.  
“So have you.” I giggle and bite my lip.  
“Oh yeah?” He rubs his beard.  
“You’ve got more grey in your hair.”   
“You calling me old?”   
“No. Just stating a fact.” I giggle again.   
His smile returns. “Well, you look older, but I was talking about your demure.”  
“How so?” I cross my arms and turn my body towards him.  
He throws an arm over the back of the couch and leans forward.   
“You aren’t timid anymore.”   
“I had to change. This world doesn’t take to kind to cowardice.”  
He hums in agreement.  
“You also know how to handle yourself in battle.” He says. It sounds like he’s trying to compliment me, but there he’s also hesitant in doing so.  
“Thanks. Your brother helped me learn how to shoot better.”  
“I feel sorry for you. He was never a great shot.” He laughed.   
His eyes light up as he laughs and looks at me. There goes the butterflies and that warmth below my gut.  
When the laughing seizes we stayed looking into each other eyes. I unconsciously move closer to him on the couch. He doesn’t move, but he does stay. I’m sitting on my knees and I sit up a little and he leans a little more towards me. We are soon mere inches from each other. My eyes go to his lips, and he’s the one to make the first move. He grabs my head and places his lips on mine. It isn’t forceful, but instead it’s sweet and simple. I grab his shirt in one hand, and place a hand on his thigh. He makes a small groan, and the sound makes my insides do flips. His left hand finds its way to my hip. I take that as a sign to move forward with the kiss.   
I deepen it and climb on his lap, and his other hand snakes down from my waist to my backside, I hum in approval. I can feel his arousal pressing against me, and we both sigh as the temperature rises. I hadn’t had sex in six years, and the last time wasn’t even great. I could tell by his hungry kisses, he too hadn’t known the touch of a woman in a long time. I opened my mouth inviting his tongue in. It scraped my teeth, and then the passion grew immensely. Then all of a sudden we both hear a scream coming from the room where Ellie is sleeping.


	4. You are My Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see a softer side to Kira, and even a little bit of one from Joel

Chapter Four  
I was off Joel in a heartbeat. I grab my pistol from the kitchen table and ran to the room. Joel was at my side in an instant. We heard another cry that shattered my heart in two. I burst through the door ready with my gun, but there wasn’t anybody. I flipped the switch, and I saw Ellie writhing around in the blankets. I run to her bedside, and she is soaked in sweat. I kneel beside the bed, grasp her shoulders to shake her.   
“Ellie! It’s okay sweetie. Just wake up. Come on now.” I give another shake, and I keep cooing her until she wakes with a sudden jolt. She claws at me and slaps my face. I hug her.  
“Hey sis. It’s okay. It’s me. It’s me. You’re safe. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” I say tenderly.   
She weeps and her words come out in hiccups. “Joel? Where is Joel?” She looks at me.  
The tall Texan walks up behind me, and then kneels down.  
“I’m here kiddo.” He clutches her small hand with his rough one. It’s gentle and affectionate. I’m a little surprised to see him that way. He is usually so reserved and tempestuous.   
I move a little so both of us are close to her. She hugs Joel around the neck.   
“You died. You died. I was alone and didn’t know what the hell to do.” She clutches his flannel and sobs into his neck. I bite my lip knowing that she really does care for this man before her, and even more trusts him.  
“It’s okay, baby girl. I’m pretty damn hard to kill.” He huffs a small laugh. His features soften. I can’t help be notice that he truly cares about my sister too. Then I remember Tommy telling me one time that Joel had lost his daughter the night the outbreak occurred. Joel held his dying daughter in his arms. I could understand how that could change a man. His caring ways towards my sister prove that he holds a special place for her in his heart. And seeing this revelation unfold shows me that I need to be willing to let go.   
I touch his arm and he looks at me shocked. I nod and whisper. “Okay. I’ll stay.” I smile, and he gives a crooked smile, and then pats Ellie on the back. He pushes away from her, and she lays back down. The weeping subsiding. Both Joel and I start to stand, and I feel a small hand grab my wrist. I twist my body to see the wide eyes of a child staring up at me.   
“Could you sing the sunshine song?” She requests gently. I sit back down.   
“Sure. Guitar or no guitar?” I brush her sweaty hair away from her face.  
“No guitar.”   
“You sure? It will distract from my bad singing.” I laugh. She nods and I sit on the bed and wrap her in my arms.   
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are grey  
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you  
Please don’t take my sunshine away”

I start on the first verse, and I feel Ellie relax against my shoulder. I just keep petting her head, and hugging her close. I finished the song, and Ellie slumped back into the bed. I kissed her forehead promising to be back in a few minutes. I didn’t notice Joel standing in the doorway with huge eyes. He looked as though he was remembering something that made him feel uneasy. I walked over to him, and flipped the light off, and closed the door a little. We walked down the hall to the living room.

I stood with my arms hugging myself and looking down at the ground. Joel stood a few feet away. He looks as though he wants to say something, but then decides on something that isn’t so intrusive to his personal life.   
“You have a nice voice.” He grumbles. 

“Thanks.” I say quietly. I don’t know what to say. I think back to the kiss beforehand, and realize that if Ellie hadn’t screamed, we would probably would have slept together. I knew that would have been a mistake, but I feel that small knot form in my lower abdomen. I chew on my lip, and look into those soft eyes, and we both immediately look away from each other. 

“Well, I should be headin’ back. You sure it’s okay that Ellie and I are the ones that go?” He avoids my eyes and shoves a hand through his hair.

I hate that he is cowering away now. I just want to look at him. I want him to look at me. I want him to kiss me. I want him to…  
“I already gave you permission.” I bite, hugging myself tighter, and glowering at him.  
His head snaps up and his expression tightens. “Fine. I think we are going to leave in the day after tomorrow. I think a week would be too long.”   
“The day after tomorrow? I haven’t seen my sister in seven years, and you’re only giving me a couple of days?” I step towards him.  
He doesn’t back down. “If we leave any later, we might get caught in a bad winter.” He looks down at me.  
“That isn’t fair. It’s just a couple more days. It won’t make much of a difference.”  
“Life isn’t fair, sweetheart! And the sooner we leave the sooner we get there and the sooner I get her back to you!”   
“Screw you, Joel! You are so ready to get rid of her when the opportune time comes.”  
“I’m not going to get rid of her. And every minute counts! That’s one of the first rules of survival!” His voice raises, and his accent gets thicker the angrier he gets.   
“Fine!” I spit at him. “Be the hero. But I am not going to be held responsible when this comes back to bite you in the ass. Now get out of my house.” I order.  
He stares down at me and his eyes are more like burning embers now. He’s breathing hard, and I can tell he wants to say something else, but he’s holding back. It’s probably a good thing too because I would fight my darndest. I maintain my stance, and both he and I glare at one another. I can’t’ help but see that his eyes hold something more than just anger. It’s almost carnal. I don’t break eye contact, but he does and storms out of the cabin with his pack in one hand, and slams the front door.  
I slump into the cozy chair beside me. I replay the argument in my head, but those eyes keep showing up. That sexy clenched jaw. Those lips that curled and tightened. Those strong arms that hung at his side that lead to fists. Why was he clenching his hands into fists? No way would he have punched me. Maybe he was doing it so he wouldn’t touch me. Maybe if he would have touched me, he would have let go of all his composure. Maybe he would have grabbed my waist and dragged me to his hard body. Pressing and gripping. Then he would have made fists in my hair, and I would have found his belt loop and dragged him pressing his erection into my stomach.   
I unzip my pants and slide my ready fingers into my wet panties. I make small circles over my clit. I breathe faster and faster as I think about him thrusting into me hard and heavy. His anger subsiding, but becoming more sexual. I shove a finger inside myself and arch my back slightly. I could imagine him biting me alongside my neck, and then his mouth moving to my breast. I shove another finger inside, and pump away at my pussy. I’m so close, and as I reach my climax, I sigh out his name over and over again.


	5. Why Wasn't I Invited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some shipment goes missing and shit's about to hit the fan.

Chapter Five.  
The next day I let Ellie sleep in, and I made breakfast for her. She came into the kitchen around nine, and yawned a good morning. I smiled as she sat down at the table. The morning fog was beginning to dissipate, I brought her some milk, and a bowl of soup.   
“Milk?” She asked in surprise.   
“Yeah, we have cows in our town barn. We don’t get milk every day, so it’s always a treat.” I say as I rub her bedhead. She shrugs away and gives me a playful look.   
“When you’ve finished, go shower. Then I’ll braid your hair like I used to do. I smile. She gobbles up the rest of her food and rushes to the bathroom.  
I hear her turn the shower head on, and she shrieks, “It’s hot! Holy shit!”   
I want to yell out that she shouldn’t curse, but she wouldn’t listen or be able to hear over the sound of the water shooting out. I clean up her dishes, and go to the bedroom to peel away the sheets of bed. I bring them to where I place the dirty clothes I have to clean later, but I’m not worried about cleaning them at this point. A few minutes later, Ellie emerges from the shower. I hand her some clothes that don’t fit me, but I kept them for a just in case. The clothes are a little big on her seeing as she hasn’t got the curves of a woman yet, but they work.   
“Come here kiddo.” I order her to sit in the kitchen chair and begin to brush her hair. I hum as I do, and she sways a little.   
“Can you braid it like you used to?” She looks at me.   
“Of course.” I grabs sections of her hair and start a French braid. Once I finish tying the knot on a hair tie, I hear a knock on the door.   
I open it and see a man standing there. His name is Jack, and he usually works underneath Tommy at the plant.   
“What’s up Jack?”  
“Tommy says there’s a problem with the books. He needs you to come in and take care of it.” He shoves his hands in his pocket.   
I sigh, “Okay. I’ll be there in five. Thanks.”  
I turn to see Ellie looking at me with those big green eyes. “You have to work?”   
“Yeah. Looks that way, kid. But there are so many cool things to see around the town. Come on, we’ll go find Maria, and she can give you the tour.” I smile. She hops up and laces her shoes fast. 

A few minutes later we are in front of my office. I open the door and see Tommy standing by my desk. He looks up at me and waves. Ellie runs to my desk and plops down in my swivel chair and spins.   
“What’s up doc?” I ask Tommy as he runs a hand through his hair.  
“Well, you remember that shipment of ammo that came in a week ago? Well two crates of .308 are missing.”  
“Oh? Well, somebody could have grabbed the, from the armory yesterday during the skirmish. Does Michael recall anybody doing so?”   
Tommy shakes his head. He stands closer to me. “That’s the hell of it. Michael is missing. We looked in his house for him, and there was no sign. Nobody’s seen him since yesterday. Somebody said they might have seen him sneaking out of the town during the battle. We think he reconnected with his old hunting buddies.”  
“Son of a bitch!” My hands form into fists.  
“Language.” Ellie blurts out. I give her a sharp look and then turn my attention back to Tommy.  
“Which way did he go?” I interrogate.   
“They think he headed for the mountains. There’s a hunter’s ranch a few miles that direction.”  
I nod knowing the place. We tried to clean it out every couple of months to keep those vermin from being too close to the town. I go to my cabinet and fish out a couple of the books. I lay it on the table. I flip through the past few months and start noticing a pattern of red lines that cross out missing crates of shipment.   
“Shit!” I say as I slam the book with my fist.  
Tommy looks at me. I start writing down each item that was reported missing, and run all over my office for slips of paper and other things. Tommy and I start discussing what we need to do. I suggest that he and I go to the ranch and clear it out. There shouldn’t be too many after we killed about twenty or so yesterday. If anything there would be just a few because they might be moving out before the winter. Tommy agrees, but he says they might need to consider having another person along.  
“Absolutely not. Every other person who is half the shot we are have families, and would only get in our way.” I say steadily.  
I hear Ellie sigh heavily. She looks bored with the conversation.   
“Ellie, why don’t you go find Maria. See if she can show you some cool places around the area.”  
She shrugs and I pat her back as she walks out the door.   
A few minutes pass and Tommy and I have a plan of attack. We start to gather supplies and are loading our weapons when the front door opens. There he stands taking up most of the doorway. He comes in and I notice immediately he’s showered, and his beard has been trimmed back. Joel in all his glory marches into the room.   
His words were meant to be funny, but I could see more behind those dark caramel eyes. “Why the hell didn’t you think to invite me to the party?”


	6. Revenge is Best Served

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revenge is best served with Joel pie. Joel, Tommy, and Kira clear out the ranch and take their revenge on the thieving hunters.

Chapter Six.  
I walk ahead of the two brothers and keep my mouth in a hard line. I shrugged the strap of my backpack up on my arm, and huff out a breath of frustration. I stare straight ahead, and walk toward the barnyard. Up ahead I see Ellie and Maria petting a mare with cream hair. Ellie’s giggle fills the air and makes me a little calmer, until she looks at me with concern in her eyes. Then I remember that she had to have told Joel what Tommy and I were going to do.   
I head to the horse I usually ride, Trigger. His blue and black coat shine in the morning light, and his grey mane is still braided from the last time I rode him. Ellie comes bounding up to me.   
“Hey. Look, I know you’re pissed…” She starts.  
I looked down at her and regard her with silent anguish.   
“But you know you needed backup, and well…Joel is a great shot.” She continues.   
“Ellie, we didn’t want another person to come along and put their life in danger. Now we have both brothers coming along, and if one…” I stop and bend down to whisper to her, “If one gets injured, or God forbid, killed, it’s on me.” I straighten again and start putting the saddle on Triggers back.   
“I wanted Joel to go with you because I trust him. He’s going to keep you safe.” She said exasperated. “If you get hurt or die, it’s on me.” She said softly.  
I watch her face as she says this, and I can see that my behavior that I’m accustomed to hurts her as well. I bend down at the knee and place both hands on her shoulders and scan her sweet eyes.  
“I’ll come back.”   
“Cross your heart?” She smiles.  
I mark an x over my heart and hug her. She lets go, and runs to Maria.   
“She’s a smart kid.” I hear the gruff Texas accent behind me. I turn around slowly, not wanting to look at him. Anger still seeping from my heart from the night before and because he’s agreed to this possibly deadly mission.  
“Yeah. She is. Don’t know where she got it from.” I say joking trying to lighten the mood. The atmosphere always seems heavier when Joel is nearby.  
“You ready?” He stands with his hand on his hips.  
I step toward him. “You don’t have to come. It’s going to be dangerous.”  
He looks at me as though he wants to say something profound, but instead he says, “I’m doing it to protect Tommy.”   
I grunt and climb upon Trigger notifying to him and Tommy that I’m ready.

We take off in the direction of the ranch. We soon find footprints imprinting the ground in places where it’s muddy.   
“They could be there purposely. Keep a sharp eye out.” I call back to Tommy and Joel. Both brothers are similar when it comes to these types of situations. They don’t talk unless necessary, they just grunt. They have a finger next to the trigger at all times. And they don’t fuck around. We get straight to the point. The way I like it.  
Since Tommy and I know the way to the ranch rather well, we detour into the woods to avoid any traps laid by the hunters. When we are about a quarter mile away, we tie the horses to some trees, and set out the rest of the way on foot.   
We make it to the ranch around noon. I motion for Tommy to go one directions and Joel another. I worry that Joel will have some comment about the plan, but if he does, he keeps it to himself. I move forward toward the porch. There are two hunters guarding the door. I figure out their pattern after watching them two times. One will go around the house for about twenty seconds and the other will stay by the rail and watch the door. I motion for Joel to go to the side of the house to hide behind a shed and wait to kill the hunter. That’s when I hop on the porch behind the hunter and see him begin to turn around at the thud I make when I land, but I take a shiv I had made earlier and stick it in his throat and break it leaving the other half piercing his gullet. I crouch down and sneak past the window.   
I motion for Tommy to follow me to the side of the house where Joel is. He has the hunter in a chokehold and the guy passes out quickly. I’m dazed momentarily because it takes a lot of strength to do that to a grown man, but then again, Joel is a strong guy. With big muscles. And I bet a big pack…I cut myself off from going that far. I have to have my head clear for the next part of the mission.   
I motion for Tommy to go to the side door that leads to a laundry room that leads to the kitchen. We crawl in and Tommy looks to the kitchen. We don’t hear anybody, so I head to the entrance to the kitchen. I see three men walking around. One is in a living room area. Another in the hall, and the final one crossing from the dining room to the kitchen. I only have a few seconds to signal there are three. Joel must have heard the man coming toward the kitchen and his crouched behind the cabinet. I knew that the hunter would have seen my shoe or my head if he stepped any closer, but at the perfect time, Joel grabs him and drags him around the corner of the kitchen, choking him, before the man in the hall can see. Once he finishes, I nod my head as a sign of thanks.   
While I try to figure out how to take the guy in the hall out, Tommy serpentines his ways from the kitchen to the dining room, to the living room, taking out that hunter quickly. I make my way to the one guarding the entrance. He barely has time to register he’s dying by the time I slice his throat with my switchblade. The next place we have to head is upstairs. The most difficult battleground of the entire house. I start to take a step up, but Joel grabs my arm shaking his head. He then points to the hall closet meaning Tommy and I should hide in there. We do just that, and then we hear the sound of a bottle breaking and one hunter asking if he heard something. I peak out of the closet. I see Joel kneeling behind a coffee table in the hall, and the hunter stepping into view. I tuck my head back inside, and I hear the hunter try to call out something, but his voice dies off. I assume it’s because Joel’s killed him. After a few more minutes of two other hunters realizing something is definitely up, they come down and Joel kills them stealthily. I’ve never seen a bulk of a man move with such grace and dexterity. Once the ranch house is cleared, we search for any items the hunters left behind.

It’s close to four by the time we get close to the town, and I’m riding in the middle with Tommy taking the lead. I’m looking at the changing leaves on the trees when I look to see Joel riding up beside me.  
“You did a good job today.” He says as if he’s surprised.  
“You doubted my abilities?” I ask almost rhetorically.  
“Yes.” He states simply.  
“Oh.” I don’t know what else to say. I’ve never had somebody judge my actions before. I look dead ahead of me not wanting him to see his words, or rather word, get to me.  
“Only because I saw how you were during that skirmish yesterday.” He justifies.  
I swing my head in his direction with scrunched eyebrows. “For your information. I was only doing what I did yesterday because we needed information. Usually I’m a little more clear headed.”  
“Well, where was your mind today when we we’re in the kitchen? Huh? If that hunter would have taken one more step, he would have seen you, and we would probably be dead right now.” His voice is steady but his eyes have darken.  
“My mind was thinking ‘What the hell is Joel doing? I didn’t tell you to move.’” I glare at him.  
“You’re damn lucky I realized what was goin’ one. Otherwise you would have been in deep shit.”  
“Well, I didn’t ask you to come along, now did I? Besides, I handled myself just fine. If I recall, I killed my share of hunters today.” I can feel my ears burning and my face flushing. Every time I feel some emotion, my face burns, and it makes me more frustrated.  
“You’re fuckin’ stubborn, you know that? Your sister wanted me to help protect you. You should be thankin’ her.” He glares with more intensity than I realize possible. I can feel my body reacting, slinking back until I’m like a turtle hiding within the confines of its shell.   
He realizes he’s won, but he doesn’t seem to take pleasure in the idea.   
We are back at the town at this point, and we make it to the barn. Ellie comes running towards us, and teeters with excitement.  
“Tell me everything! I want to hear about it? Did you kill every single one of those fuckers?”   
I’m too tired to deal with her cursing, and all I want to do is go for a swim and clean off the blood that’s dried on my skin.  
I recount a few of the details to her and Maria listens nearby with her arm around Tommy. She regards him with such kind and loving eyes. Something I don’t see much from her. Ellie goes and starts hounding Joel for more details as I finish with Trigger. Once she recognizes that she won’t get much out of Joel, she bounds off to the other side of the barn to pet some of the cows. I take the tie that’s holding half of my hair up and untie it, letting my hair fall and frame my face. I have a headache from the events of the day. I listen to those around me. But the conversation I pay closest attention to is that of Tommy and Joel’s.   
“All I’m saying is that she is pretty and you both are so tightly wound that y’all should take time to have a bit of…recreational fun.” Tommy says nudging his brother’s shoulder. I act like I’m extremely involved in brushing my horse, but I can feel Joel’s eyes burning into me, then I hear his response.  
“I’m not looking for a bunk buddy. Plus, she pisses me off every chance she gets, so sleeping with her would probably end with me out in the cold with no clothes and nowhere to go.” He says quickly.  
I’m a little hurt by his comment, but then I remember, that if I were to sleep with him, that he would most likely critic me afterwards. I sure as hell wouldn’t want that.  
“All I’m saying is that Maria is a little vixen in and out of the sheets. And you need somebody to take that edge off.” Tommy smiles.  
“I don’t much care to know what Maria is like in the sheets.” Joel chuckles, and that sugary yet gruff sound sends shivers down my spine. I finish with Trigger, walk out the barn door and head over to Ellie.   
“Hey, kid.” I say as I lean over the railing of the fence she is sitting on as she watches the cows grazing.  
“Hey.” She smiles, but still looks away. “It’s cool that there are so many of these animals here. I never thought I would see them.”   
I ruffled her hair and a small laugh escaped me. “Yeah. Well, once you get back from the Fireflies, you can come hang out with these guys all you want. Maybe you’ll be back by the time the babies are born.” I look off at the cows noticing that they have it simple. They don’t have to worry about surviving like us humans do. I’m a little envious of their oblivion.  
“So I need to bathe to get this blood and sweat off. You think you could find something to occupy yourself with for about an hour?”   
“Yeah! Maria said that there are some pretty cool things to see inside the plant. I’m going to ask Tommy if he could show me around.”   
With that, I leave, letting Tommy know the plan, and head to the private watering hole I found near my cabin. I don’t feel like taking a shower at the cabin because I want to be by myself without any possible interruptions. Plus it’s hard to break old habits of not showering inside. The watering hold is secluded, and near the wall, and I’ve never seen any infected there before. I feel a little more ease already.


	7. Splish Splash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bath time for Kira gets interrupted.

Chapter Seven  
The watering hole is cool, but I get used to the temperature quickly and feel relieved to get the sticky feel off my skin. I leave all my clothes in a pile by the side, and I quickly go under the water. I come up from the chill of the water and sigh as the sticky blood washes away. I raise my hands to my hair to start scrubbing. The water rises to my breast, but with my arms up, my nipples float above the water. They harden due to the chill of the evening air. I hum as I finishes rinsing my hair. Once I scrub my body, I decide to just float for a few more minutes before heading back to the cabin. Suddenly I hear a twig snap, and I hurriedly swim to the pile of clothes, grab my pistol, and aim in the direction of the sound.   
“Oh!” Is all is said as Joel steps into the light, and sees me fully nude standing there with a gun in my hands.   
He looks at my body up and down quickly before averting his eyes. I turn the safety off on my gun and lay it down beside my clothes.  
I begin to dress hurriedly, pulling my pants up when I hear a mumbled apology from Joel.  
He’s being a gentleman by keeping his eyes away as I finish dressing. Once my tee-shirt is over my head I start tying my boots. I comment that I’m dressed, and the middle-aged man looks at me again. I’m still bent over tying the last knot on my boot, when I look up to see his eyes have shifted to my breast. They sway freely because in my haste, I forgot to put my bra on. He seems lost for a moment, but soon regains his composure. I stand with my flannel, bra, and gun in my arms.   
“Tommy told me about this waterin’ hole.” He says quietly.   
I frown, knowing full well that Tommy did it on purpose. He knew my plan to bathe, and so he told his brother to come. “It’s a good place. It’s going to get dark soon. I can leave my soap if you need.” I ramble and the words come flying out of my mouth. Why am I so flustered around him?  
“Okay. Ugh. Thanks.” He mutters as I quickly walk away.   
It isn’t until I know I’m out of sight, that I hide behind a tree, to watch him. ‘I won’t stay long.’ I promise myself. But when he starts undressing, I know I’ve made a grave mistake.   
First, he toes off his boots, and then unbuttons his flannel. He has a white wife-beater on underneath, and he grabs a hold of it and yanks it over his head. Even from this distance, I can see his muscles rippling through his back as he moves. Damn, he’s in shape for a man of his age. I then detect scars that mare his body in random places. Some look older, some new. He must know how to get himself into trouble. The next thing that goes are his pants. Low and behold, he isn’t wearing any underwear. And Lord have mercy, his ass is flawless. I feel myself getting wetter and wetter as I think about clutching his ass as he makes pounds me. I wish he would turn to face me so I could see his front, but soon he is waist deep in the water, and he shivers making his muscles expand.   
He finally turns and I see his incredible pecs and glorious six pack. Holy fuck, I could kiss him everywhere on his hairy chest. My mouth waters as my eyes roam downward. The sexiest thing is his v. The one that forms at the hips and finishes with his unseen member. His dark happy trail ends when the water meets him right above his pelvis. I can feel my nipples hardening at the sight of him and the thought of biting him right above that erogenous v. I begin to massage my breasts and I know I’m panting, but I can’t help it. Then I snap out of it as he dives under the water. I realize that’s the perfect time to start heading back to the cabin.


	8. You're Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions between Kira and Joel are finally dissipating.

Chapter Eight  
I shake my head before I enter the cabin to shake away the thoughts of Joel. I take a deep breath and enter to see a candle burning on top of what looks like a biscuit sitting on the coffee table. Ellie pops out from behind the couch, and yells, “Surprise! Happy birthday!”   
I walk over to the young girl and give her a hug. “It’s not my birthday, kid. It was about five months ago.”   
She smiles up at me, “I know, but think about it this way, we didn’t get to celebrate the past seven years, so why not tonight?” She gleams as my smile broadens.   
“Sure. I like the biscuit. Nice touch.”  
“I asked Maria what I could do. She brought me to the mess hall where the cooks were baking. They gave me a biscuit.”   
She and I halved the biscuit and we sang happy birthday to each other. I decided to bring her about the town to show her my favorite places. We walked, and a few people said hi and stopped to talk with us. Ellie seemed to get along with everyone she met even if made a few smartass comments every now and then. We were walking past the old general goods store that now served as a trading post in the middle of town when I hear my name being called out.   
Both Ellie and I turn quickly and see Joel striding towards us. His hair still wet from his bath, and I get a warm feeling being to spread across my body. I can feel my cheeks burning, and I try to steady my breathing as he approaches. He looks at me briefly and then he remembers seeing me naked, and looks away and then at Ellie.   
“Tommy asked if you could fix the books tonight. I’ll take care of Ellie while you do so.” He still doesn’t look at me when he says this, which infuriates me.   
“Okay.” I say and look at Ellie.   
“Here, kid.” I reach into my back pocket and pull out a card with a few holes punched into it. “Take these to the store down there,” I point across the street, “and pick out a movie. You can watch it at the cabin. You have to hit the TV a few times to get it to start up, but it works.” The last part was directed at Joel, but both our eyes are averted.   
Ellie can tell something is up, “Damn! Will you guys just kiss already? This tension is killing every one of us.” She throws her hands up in the air.  
Both Joel and I speak at the same time.   
“Language Ellie.”  
“Ellie. Back off.”   
He and I look at each other. For a small moment I sense that his telling her to back off really means that he does want to kiss again, but then I see his eyes darken, and he becomes sullen again. I go back to looking at Ellie.  
“Jeez! I was joking.” She dragged out the last word, and started toward the movie and TV repair shop.  
Joel starts walking and then stops. I see his head turn to look back slightly.  
“I…I.” He huffs. “I’ll take care of her.” With that he walks away.  
I kick the dirt. Why was it so hard for him to say what he wants to? Then again that’s hypocritical. I stalk slowly to my office. I don’t want to do the paperwork, but I know that it’ll come back to bite me in the butt later if I don’t finish it. 

I stretch my aching back three hours and forty minutes later. I rub my eyes and stand grabbing my pistol from my desk, I lock the door behind me on my way out and head home.  
I open the door quietly, to make sure not to disturb whatever is happening whether it be a movie, or if by some miracle, Ellie is asleep. I toe my shoes off and start massaging the stress of today from my neck. I don’t see Joel or Ellie in the living room, but that’s when I hear the faint sound of singing.  
I walk to my bedroom and peer in. Joel has pulled the chair close to the bed, his shoes beside it, and his feet resting on the quilt. Ellie is slumbering sweetly, and Joel is picking at the guitar and singing ‘You are my Sunshine.’ I lean against the doorframe and listen. His timber voice drifts to my ears making my eyelids close. The honeyed sound coming from this tough and hard man melts my heart. His picking of the strings strikes the cords in my heart. I’m completely undone by him. I almost feel like sleeping standing up, that’s when I hear a small voice say my name.   
“Kira?” The girlish voices cracks. Joel’s head whips around to see me still leaning against the doorway. I’m looking at him and he’s looking at me. I can’t take my eyes away from his. I only do so when I glance down at his lips moving.  
“You okay?” He says, the gruffness of his voice obscured by tenderness. I don’t realize he’s speaking to me until I glance up at him with furrowed brows as if asking why he is asking me a dumb question. Out of the corner of my eye I notice Ellie sitting up slightly. I come back to reality and nod my head. I go over to Ellie and kiss her head.   
“Get some sleep, sis.” I straighten and see Joel is picking up the chair and moving it back to the corner of the room. Once he sets it down I turn off the bedside lamp. Ellie curls back underneath the covers. I walk out of the room and close the door. I see Joel staring at me at the end of the hall. When I reach him, I just want to walk past him because I’m embarrassed about getting caught at this innocent voyeurism. Instead he grasps my upper arm.   
“You okay?” He asks again.  
“Ugh. Yeah. Just tired.” I mutter out, still not looking at him. Suddenly I feel extremely self-conscious.   
He grunts and keeps a tight hold on my arm.  
“I didn’t mean to listen in. I…I just…Well the truth is… I…” I mumble and then trail off.  
“What’s the truth, Kira?” The way he says my name sounds like molasses. My eyes close at the sound, and then I remember where I’m at. He’s too close. Touching me. Holding me. My eyes open rapidly and I step back.  
“Truth is…” I can’t think of what to say. He is looking me in the eye and he comes forward. His toes touch mine and his hand raises to my face and pushes a stray hair behind my ear. I look at him, or rather his mouth. He speaks and I can barely hear him until he says, “I didn’t mean to see you naked. But we have get past it. We’ve see people naked before. If it was me, I would have pulled a gun while naked too.” I stare at him impatiently.  
“Yeah. The human anatomy. That’s all.” I spit the words out and then walk towards the kitchen sink to clean up the dishes from this evening’s dinner. Joel follows me.   
“Well, what the hell are you mad about?” He says defeated.  
I scrub at the oatmeal left on the plate. I try not to think about anything but getting this stubborn oat off the plate. Joel grabs my wrist, but it isn’t a hard grip, just a concerned one. I look into his eyes. They are that brilliant caramel color, but the more I look I see flecks of green in them. I stop and let go of the dishes and face him.  
“Where do I start?” I say in a whispered yell. He looks shocked, but then it’s replaced by anger.  
“You are taking my sister away from me tomorrow! You are constantly judging my skills. I know what I’m fucking doing, Joel!” I saw his name with a heavy amount of venom. I shove him, but it doesn’t do much since he’s a brick wall. “You think you know more about life and it’s unfairness than I do, but trust me, I know plenty. And then you act like you know me. Well you fucking don’t. And you saw me naked!” His face remains blank. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, and that screams danger to me. I step back not sure what’s going to happen next.  
“You’re right.” He says quietly, still looking at me in the eyes. “I’ve explained the why behind your sister. I don’t mean to judge your skills, but it’s not what I’m used to. I have my experiences, and you yours. I don’t know you, and you’re hard to read, so forgive me for not being a little apprehensive.” He steps closer to me and it’s so close that I can smell his musk. It’s pine mixed with some manly smell that is intoxicating.   
“I did see you naked. But I’m not sorry about that.” He grins wickedly. “And if I’m not mistaken, you watched me too.”   
I look up in shock. “How did y-“ I’m cut off by his smoldering gaze.  
“I didn’t, but now I do.” He chuckles. I’m stunned and backed into a corner. Literally.   
He plants his arms on either side of my head, and looks at me, “Damn. You’re beautiful.”


	9. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Kira finally come together (pun intended).

Chapter Nine

“Damn. You’re beautiful.” He says, and I’m about to say something, but its cut off by his lips caressing mine. His arms move from beside my head to my waist, and I shove my hands into his hair begging for him to deepen the kiss. I sigh as his beard gives me sweet little burns, and his tongue scrapes my teeth. I open up to the kiss and he becomes forceful. His mouth begins to pull away, and as a plea for him to keep kissing I bite his bottom lip, and I hear him groan. I let go and he looks at me, “Little vixen.” I blush and then feel his mouth move from my jaw to my neck. I moan, and he shushes me. I giggle and he growls again.   
His hands explore my body, and they grope at everything. I intake a breath sharply as his fingers dig into my hips. My lower body bucks forward and I grind his pelvis. His mouth trails across my collarbone. My head rolls back. He raises his head, and stands before me. We are both breathing hard. I grab his ass and push him back into me. I feel his hardness straining against his pants. A throaty sound escapes him when I rub my hand on his manhood. He growls at me and takes my wrists in his hands and pushes them against the wall behind me. He lets go and then moves his hands to my behind and bends slightly at the knees. His hands go to my thighs, and I know what he wants. I hop a little and jump into his capable arms. He walks backwards, hitting the edge of the counter against his hip. His grunts in pain, while he feels pain shoot through his body, I clamp my teeth on his throat. He yelps in response, and whispers an anguished “Fuck me!”   
I bat my lashes at him and sultrily say, “That’s what I plan on doing.” His eyes shift from desire to a carnal need. “Where?” He asks  
“The door across my bedroom. There’s a bed in there.” I say quickly. He carries me to the room, our eyes locked the entire time. He opens the door and kicks it shut, trying to be as quiet as possible. He sets me down. I hold my gaze with his, and I start unbuttoning my flannel.   
“No.” He growls. I stop immediately on the second button.  
“Let me.” He comes up to me and stares down at me. I’m taller than most women, but I still feel small compared to this beast of a man in front of me. He slowly undoes every button, and I moan, “Please.” He laughs a small laugh, and keeps going at his sluggish pace. Once the last button is undone, he lets the shirt fall off my shoulder, and it drops to the floor. He kisses my throat and nips each shoulder, causing me to wail a little. He straightens and his long fingers curl into my belt loops. He drags me closer, and I stumble a little, but his arms keep me steady. He undoes the buttons and zipper on the worn out jeans. He smiles wickedly, and I don’t realize his plan until his hand curls into my panties passing my brunette curls he finds my center, and rubs slow circles. I grind against his hand, moaning and writhing. There’s the small crooked smile playing on his lips, and I grab his arms for support, but then it travels down to meet his hand in my pants. I start rubbing harder against him as he slips a finger into me.   
“Nghh! Joel!” I cry out. Suddenly his finger leaves me, and I whimper.   
“Not yet, baby.” He whispers, and then he puts his finger in his mouth and sucks. “Mhmm. You taste good, baby.” My breathing hastens, and I push my pants and underwear down. Not caring if he wanted to finish the job he started. He grabs my waist and his hand follows a path from the small of my back to my bra. He unhooks it in seconds with his apt fingers. My breasts fall free and the bra drops to the floor. Joel’s eyes move over my body and his hands reach out and grab ahold of my breast. They fill his large hands well. Then I slap his hands away.   
“Not yet.” I say with a smug smile. I grab his shirt and pull it over his head and toss it aside. I inhale and place my hands on his chest. The thick curls feel good beneath my fingers, and I move my hands up and down his chest. I place my hands where his pants begin to hang off his hips. I bend my head down and take one of his nipples in my mouth and swirl my tongue over it. I feel his deep intake of oxygen and his groan reverberates through his chest. I back away and his head falls down. I unzip his pants and I put my hands in the back, and use my nails to dig into his glorious ass. I shove the pants down, and he steps out giving me time to admire his superb member.   
“Baby, you keep lookin’ at my cock like that I’ll explode right here.” He says breathily. I look back up at him, he walks me over to the bed, and pushes me down on it, my legs hanging off.  
“Lay back.” He orders. I do, and he bends down and spreads my lips.   
“Ugh!” I feel his expert tongue lap up my juices.  
“Mhmm. So wet for me.” He smiles, and uses his nose to rub my clit. He lifts one of my legs to drape over his shoulder, and I clutch his hair. I pull a little hard.   
“Err!” He grunts. I look down to apologize, and he gives me such a sexy look, and the next thing I know his tongue is in my hole.   
I cry out, and he is relentless in his torturing. I twist and buck, and when I feel my muscles tighten, I scream out as he pushes me over the edge. I feel his hands rub my sensitive breast, and I open my eyes to see his watching me. I sit up and move further on the bed. He crawls towards me, and leans over. I shake my head.   
“Do we need to slow down?” He looks a little hurt.  
I laugh, “No! I just… I want…” he leans down and kisses me softly. I push his chest, and force him to lay back. He looks up at me smiling.   
I throw my legs over his strong thighs, and I look down at him. His arms lay outstretched beside him, and I grab his hands placing them on my breasts. I rock back and forth his breath hitches in his throat. I can feel my juices spreading on his erection. I hum in appreciation.   
“I told you I wanted to fuck you.” I sigh and look down at him. His eyes burn into me. I lift myself up and guide his cock into my waiting hole. I start to slide down, trying to get used to his girth. I moan a little as the pain of stretching around him seeps into my mind.  
“Slow, baby, slow.” He coos and his hands rub my lower back. When I finally fit his length inside me, I still for a little bit accustoming myself to him.  
“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers.   
“I could say the same thing about you.” I look down at him and bite my lip. He reaches up and runs his calloused thumb over my bottom lip. “I wanted to kiss you ever since I saw you bite that lip the first time.” Before he can move it away from me, I take his thumb into my mouth and suck. Then I begin to move. He groans and I can feel the vibrations of it in his lower pelvis making me want to ride him harder. I let go of his thumb and cry out in pleasure as I ride him. I feel him buck up in time with me. He then sits up and grabs me around the waist. We wrap out arms around each other as though we will never let go. He moves so deep in me. My head spins, and then my world does to as he moves from underneath me to on top of me. He pumps in and out fast.   
“Oh fuck! Joel!” I shout out. I claw his back.  
“Oh baby.” He says as his faces twists and he grunts.   
I raise my hips a little allowing him to go deeper. He starts pounding me harder. I gasp and call out his name.   
“Nuugggh-Joel! Yesyesyes! Fuckfuckfuck!” I say, my body arches into his. I come undone and I can feel my pussy milking him, and he is close. His breathing is shallow, and I know he’s close. I lean up and bite his shoulder making him cry out. “Fuck BABY!” He pulls out and spill his delicious seed onto my belly. He grunts as he comes hard. He collapses on me, and then moves off once his breathing slows down. I look at him with desire and love.   
“Oh! We should probably clean you up.” He says as he looks for something to wipe his semen off my belly. I shake my head, and take two fingers and run them through the white cream on my abdomen. I take both fingers in my mouth and suck them clean. All the while, Joel looks at me with so much heat and intensity, I can see his cock twitching and coming back to life again. His eyes glitter in the moonlight, and suddenly he’s leaning over me, face near my belly. He licks up his own cum. My eyes widen, and I get that tightness in between my thighs again. When he finishes, he faces aligns with mine, and he leans down and kisses me fully. Our tongues battling and I can taste him, and it makes me ready for round two, but I know that it will be a little bit before he’s ready again. I couldn’t imagine anything more sweet than that.  
His face pulls away from mine, and his large hands hold my face. His eyes say so many things, but his full bottom lip stays slightly open. He does say anything, he just looks. I grab his waist and run my nails up and down seeing him shiver with desire. We just stay looking at each other. Until he rolls off me, and pulls me to his chest.  
“You don’t say much do you?” I say as I run my fingers through his chest hair. Each hair feeling much softer than it looks.  
“I think I just said a lot.” He says softly under the blanket of moonlight. It hugs our bodies. Skin on skin. Cream and tan color dancing together as shadows of trees swim across our bodies.  
“Grunting doesn’t count.” I say as I nuzzle his neck, and I receive a chuckle. I smile knowing that doesn’t happen very often. I lean up on an elbow and look down at him. His eyes watching me closely. I run a hand through his hair and rub my thumb over his cheek. I’m granted with a low sigh that escapes his lips. I revel in the feel of his skin. His eyes are closed, and when I stop moving my hand he opens his eyes. They grow large when he sees me begin to straddle his stomach. I bite my lip as I feel his happy trail hair tickle my cherry. His breathing hastens, and mine copies his. I just slightly rock my hips back and forth. His arms were laying at his sides so I grab them and bring his hands to my breasts. He begins to massage them. I hum in appreciation as his nimble fingers bring my nipples to a peak. My head is thrown back, and I feel his growing member poking my behind as I move back. I look down at him with a fiery expression. He tries to move me off him, but my thighs tighten and my head shakes.   
“Let me.” I say breathily.  
His eyes narrow and the corners of his mouth turn up. He lets go of my breasts and I scoot down to his thighs, and my hungry eyes go to his large member. “Baby.” I look up at him surprised.  
“I can’t handle it when you look at me like that.” He says. “Stop bitin’ your lip.” I frown a little.  
“I’m just admiring you.” I rub his hairy thighs up to his v. He hisses.  
“Baby, I love to admire you too, but… it makes me crazy.” I lean forward, my breast falling around his heated manhood. My chin on his belly looking at him with innocent eyes.   
“I love to drive you crazy. But I haven’t even started.” I say making my voice as sultry as I possibly can.  
He grunts.   
“There’s another grunt. Why don’t you tell me what you want?” I whisper placing a small kiss on a scar that mares his abdomen. His body shifts and his hips thrust up making his manhood rub against my breast. A growl vibrates through his chest.   
I blink up at him making my eyes as big as I can, feigning innocence.   
His eyes search for something, and he lifts a hand to grab my face. I push it away and sit back up on his thighs.   
“No touching. Tell me.” I growl. His honey laugh finds its way to my ears, and my whole body warms.  
“Kira.” He exhales. I take in a swift breath out of surprise. The way he says my name makes my heart jump.   
“What do you want, Joel?” I say softly. He looks nervous, but soon that commanding look that I’m so used seeing appears on his face.  
“Take me in your mouth.” He orders sweetly.  
“Yes sir.” I move back on his legs and reach for his throbbing member. I hold it and run my hand up and down his velvety softness. His heads falls back on the pillow and he looks straight up. My thumb finds its way to his purple and red tip and I rub the drop of dew around him across eliciting a gasp from him. I look up through my lashes. And he’s staring at me. His eyes are dark and tempting. I keep my eyes on his as I guide my mouth to his delicious member. I run my tongue over the tip and shield my teeth as I pull more and more of him into my mouth. His hands lift and reach for my hair. I slap them away, and stop sucking him. I hear a little cry escape him.   
“No. Touching.” His dark eyes glare down at me, but he seems to understand. I return to licking him. I lick from the bottom of his shaft to the tip all while massaging his balls. His breathing accelerates. I run a hand up his chest, and back down making him quiver. I pick up the pace on sucking, and then slow. Then I take him in my mouth and then remove it making a loud popping sound. This provokes a curse from Joel.  
“Stop.” He orders. I look up at him curiously. His hands twitch at his sides, but he doesn’t lift them.   
“Kira.” He breaths out harshly, but it still sounds so sweet. Oh, Joel! I think wanting him more than ever.   
“Please. I need to be inside you.” How can this man go from rough to helpless in a matter of minutes?  
I raise my hips and crawl up his body. I guide his cock into me, and his hips slam into me.   
“Ugh!” I cry out even though I expect his largeness, I’m still surprised by the way it fills me. Joel gives me a childish grin, and then it darkens. I reciprocate the smile, and start riding him. My hands find his waist, and he tries to grab me, but I slap his hands away. I know he likes to be in control, and so do I. I realize that’s why we argue so much. Then I recognize that control is also protection. He isn’t just protecting himself, but others. He cares! That’s why he doesn’t want me to come along with him to the Fireflies. That’s why he was angry today at the ranch house. He didn’t want me to be hurt. The only thing I can’t understand is why me. I have a revelation of my own. I’m doing the same thing to him. I’m protecting him. Who else can I trust to take care of my sister? I then know in that moment that I love this man.   
That love drives me to rock my hips faster. I’m moaning, and my eyes are shut, and I can’t help but cry out, “Joel! Oh! Yes!” I feel him shift, but my euphoria keeps me from looking down. I feel his arms wrapping around me and his lips crashing into mine. I whimper as he moves up and every cell of my body accepts him. His chest hair rubbing my breast raw, and the pain mixes with pleasure. I move my head back and his mouth sucks my throat, and he bites roughly at my pulse. I cry in ecstasy.  
“Fuck, Joel!” He tilts my head back to his. He kisses my lips tenderly.   
“Shh. Baby.” He whispers, and I look deep into his eyes, and whine.   
“I know baby. I know…Fuck!” He says harshly. We are both close. I lean into him, and nibble his ear, and his groaning response makes every muscle tighten.  
“Joel…I’m nnnggh…so close.” I say. I lean back to look into his eyes.   
“Me too.” Is all he can grumble. I grip his hair, and his arms tighten around me. One more hard pump, it hits me in that sweet spot deep within, and I cry out. He pushes my head into his neck to muffle my screams, but his soon follow as he fills me with his yummy cum. His manly grunts make my orgasm last for what seems like an eternity. I milk him dry. I’m so lost in my own bliss that I don’t register his body holding me tightly as I ride out the explosive release until my head falls on his shoulder and my body slumps. He is the only thing holding me and keeping me from floating away. His keeps me sane.   
He lays down on the bed bringing me with him. My body limp from the exertion. His breathing slows, and his arms holding me close. I feel warm and sigh. His arms tighten, and face nuzzles his neck, and his beard tickles, making me giggle.   
“What?” His voice full warmth.   
“I’m thinking about the watering hole.” I say finally.  
His chest rumbles, “Why are you thinkin’ about that?”  
“I didn’t think I would be clawing at that same gorgeous back that I was admiring.” I say sheepishly.  
“Mhm. Yeah. I enjoyed the view too.” He confessed. I burrow my face in his neck, and kiss his pulse.  
“What did you enjoy the most?” I probed.  
“I liked when you were washin’ your hair.” He remarked with a small smile. My head shot up and I looked at him with surprise.   
“You watched me before you saw me with the gun?” My cheeks turning the color of a ripe tomato. I was burning with mortification. He eyes warmed, and his thumb found my lips.  
“Yes, and it was beautiful.” Those words made me gasp, and his calloused thumb moved across my lips, and I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t under his intense gaze.  
“I started thinkin’ about what would happen if I joined you.” He paused, and his eyes narrowed. “Could you not see how aroused I was?” I blush even deeper.  
“I was trying to dress quickly. I didn’t want to stay there and risk anything.” I say quickly, my words running together. His leaned down, and kissed my nose. Silencing me.  
“I like seein’ you at a loss for words.” I didn’t know how to respond to him, so I just started kissing him. Then I just lay my head back down on chest. I just take in his scent. I’m close to falling asleep when He shifts, and I fill his erection rub against my stomach.  
I purr in my sleepy haze. He kisses my head. “Sleep, Baby.” That’s that last thing I remember as I doze off into the best sleep I’ve had in years.


	10. The Day After: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day is filled with issues all around, and Kira is learning to let go.

Chapter Ten  
I awake, and forget where I’m at for a moment. I look around, and see a sleeping Joel with his legs tangled in mine, his arms clutching me close, and his head resting on my breasts. I smile girlishly. I pet his ruffled salt and peppered hair. I hear him mumble something in his sleep. He doesn’t wake, and I just listen to his breathing, and I try to match it. I then hear him start to talk in his sleep. Something about getting the damn truck. I snicker. Even in his sleep he has that permanent scowl etched into a line that sits between his eyebrows. I traced it with my index finger, and it softens ever so slightly. His breath almost comes out as a sigh, but I can’t tell.  
I love every line on his face. I love the rough texture of his hair everywhere on his body. I love the outlines his muscles makes across his body. I love his beautiful forearms and the strength he has. I love his guff voice, and the way it makes my stomach do flip flops. I love everything about him. It’s lucrative to think that I’ve completely fallen for this man. I hate the idea of loving somebody and I know I have to distance myself from the fact that I love him. Love in this wasteland only proves to bring nothing but despair.   
“I love you.” I whisper despite knowing those words will never be heard. 

I awake in the morning with a sudden jolt. Not sure what woke me. I move and my joints ache with the good kind of soreness that one gets after a night of wild sex. I stretch out, but realize that Joel isn’t in bed with me. I scan the room and see that his clothes are gone, and I hurriedly pull mine on. I run my fingers through my tangled sex hair, and walk to the front of the house. I don’t see anybody, and I go to my bedroom to see if Ellie is still asleep. I don’t see her under the covers. I grab my pistol and decided head to town seeing if they went that direction.   
I make it to the dam, and notice dead bodies of hunters on the ground. I grab a worker who is walk past me.   
“What happened?” I ask him.   
“Some damn soldiers got in right after the generator got back on line. Coincidence. Right?” he shrugs. My eyes go wide. I run to the first building and head in. I don’t see anybody, and so I keep running from room to room.   
“Ellie?” I shout. I get so worried. What is something happened? I keep jogging until I hear some talking. I enter a room and see Ellie waving her hands in the air frantically. I begin to walk over until I see Joel crouching in front of her, his hands grasping her shoulders.   
“Listen. Listen. Hey. Hey. Are you hurt?”   
“No!” Ellie says confidently. I see Tommy say something to Maria, and I walk over to Ellie and Joel.  
“Everything okay?” My voice shaky with worry.  
Joel regards me with coolness, and Ellie hugs me. I hug her back, and she looks up at me and tells me what happened. She jumps with excitement and adrenaline. I look between her and Joel. Joel keeps his eyes down, and I notice a cut on his arm. Ellie’s eyes follow mine.  
“Shit, Joel!” She exclaimed.   
“Ellie. Language.” He asserts.  
I walk over to him, and he leans back. My brow furrowing. He relaxes when I don’t touch him, instead I say, “Your arm.”   
He looks down and scoffs, “It’s fine.”   
I don’t argue with him because I can tell he doesn’t want to be around me at the moment. I look back at Ellie, and she shrugs.   
Tommy walks over to us, “Can I talk to my brother?”   
I nod, and I drag Ellie away. I look at Maria, and she follows. We walk to the dam overlook. I climb the ladder, and both follow.   
“I’m sorry. I was asleep. I think the alarm woke me up, but I didn’t know. Otherwise I would have helped.”   
Maria just grunted forgiving me. I always like her because she got straight to the point, and as long as you respected her, she respected you. Maria left with that, and I grabbed Ellie and wrapped my arm around her shoulder.   
“What were you doing here?” I asked calmly.   
“I woke up and Joel was in the living room. He said he was waiting for me so we could come to town and grab some supplies. When we got here, Tommy stopped us and wanted to talk to Joel. I was hanging with Maria when all that sh- I mean stuff went down.” She explained looking out over the dam. I hugged her closer, “I’m glad you’re alright kid.”   
“What did you do to Joel?” She looked up at me, and the first thought in my head was ‘made him cum over and over again.’ I wanted to laugh, but then I understood that her question was in reference to his weird behavior.  
“I don’t know.” I say slowly.  
“Well there was a lot of tension between you two this morning.” She interrogated.  
I huffed, “Ellie. I don’t know. Really. Maybe it’s his time of the month.” I joke.  
She cracks a smile, “I swear it’s more like he’s always on his period.” We laugh and a few minutes later she pulls away.  
“Are you coming with us to the Fireflies?” Her big green eyes make me shift uncomfortably.   
“I…um…I can’t kiddo.” I say quietly.  
“Why?” She says bitterly.  
I don’t want to blame Joel, so I come up with some lame excuse, “I have to stay here. They need me.”   
“That’s a shitty answer! And don’t tell me to watch my language because that’s the truth.” She spits.  
“Ellie. I can’t go because I don’t want something to happen, and I’m not able to save you.” I cry out.   
“Bullshit! Joel said something to you, didn’t he?” She probes.  
“No. Joel said nothing. I’m an adult, and I what I say is the truth. I’ve seen mom die, and so many other that I love. I couldn’t bear to see you die.” I grab her shoulders.  
“You are just leaving me again aren’t you?” she whispers so low that I almost don’t hear her. I see tears begin to form in her big eyes.  
“No. I’m protecting you from being hurt like I’ve been. Plus you’ll be safer with Joel than you would with me. I’m a horrible shot.” I say trying to persuade her.  
“You’re better at punching than shooting.” She jokes but there isn’t that usual twinkle behind her words.  
“I love you, bug. That’s why I’m letting you go. You’ll be better off if I let you go.”   
I can tell she doesn’t believe me, but she nods and simply states, “Okay.” She climbs down the ladder, and I follow. I’m right behind her, until somebody calls my names and tells me I have to go do inventory of the supplies the soldiers left behind. I hate to leave my sister on the last morning she is here, but I have a job to do. So I head to my office.


	11. The Day After: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie runs off, leaving Kira to think about her and Joel.

Chapter Eleven  
Work was difficult, I kept miscounting the supplies because I was distracted. My thoughts were filled with Ellie and Joel, and I couldn’t focus on the task at hand. I was in the middle of a recount when my office door burst open. Maria stood in front of me.   
“Ellie ran off on a horse. Tommy and Joel are going after her. I guess something Joel said triggered her.” She says hurriedly. I start to walk past her to make my way to the barn and go after them, but Maria grabbed my shoulder.  
“No. Just let them get her. If you go that’s one more person’s life at risk.”  
“Your husband and Joel are both at risk!” I exclaim.   
“Just worry about yourself, Kira. They’ve got this. You just need to relax.”  
“I can’t relax when I know my sister is in trouble.” And Joel.  
“Just listen to me for once.” Her blue eyes calm and collected.  
“Fine.” I say defeated. There probably isn’t much for me to do anyways. Both Joel and Tommy are better shots than me. I just worry that my naïve sister has put herself in more danger than she can comprehend. I try to busy myself with work, and Maria heads back to the dam to work. I don’t realize how much time has passed until I step outside and see it’s around four in the evening. I head to the dam overlook, and try to keep an eye out for the group. I stay out there for an hour and a half, until I spot three figures on the ridge. I recognize the horses, and I make my way to the barn. I figure I could meet them halfway if I hurry. I jump on Trigger without saddling him, and I dash in their direction.   
I’m close to their position, when I see Tommy riding his horse and another in tow. I halt beside him.   
“Where are they?” I say urgently.   
“They decided to leave. They have their packs, and Joel said there wasn’t a point in going back to town.” He says, and then realizes what he just said.  
“Oh shit, Kira. I didn’t mean that. I’m sure she would have said goodb-“   
“Which direction?” I cut him off.  
He points and I kick Trigger to start galloping. I can feel the wind nip at my skin through my flannel, and tears start to run down my cheeks. Ellie not saying goodbye hurts the most. But Joel’s apparent coolness makes tears fall faster. I see them through the woods, and I wipe my eyes quickly and pull up beside them.   
We both halt. I glare at Joel. I’m fuming and I don’t know what to say.   
“Please don’t. Don’t leave without saying goodbye.” I beg looking at Ellie, but my words also are meant for Joel’s ears.  
“I’m sorry, Kira.” Ellie rasps. I grab her hand, and use my free one to pull my necklace off of my head, lay it her palm and close it.  
“It was moms’.” Ellie opens it up and see the silver locket in her hands with a picture of me as a baby in it.   
“Thanks.” She smiles up at me.   
I turn my attention to Joel. “You fuck up…” My voice trails off, and I can’t speak because I know I’ll choke on my words.  
“I cross my heart.” He stares at me, his expression unreadable. I look at him, and I feel tears forming, and I look away. He starts to ride off, and I just stay there with my horse. Right before they leave my field of vision, I whisper, “I love you both.”


	12. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Joel's perspective when he and Ellie are walking back to Tommy's. Sequel to follow.

Chapter Twelve  
I climb down the hill toward Tommy’s town, and I hear Ellie grunt behind me as she drops the five feet from a ledge. We walk in silence, and I know she knows I just lied to her, but it’s something we can’t change no matter how badly we want to. I grab a branch and bend it waiting for her to walk past. Her green eyes meet mine briefly, and I can’t help but feel a twinge of pain. I think back to that night six months ago.  
***  
Her hands in my hair felt amazing. Her dainty fingers rubbing and moving easily. Then they moved to my face. She traced every line on my face tenderly. I sighed, getting caught up in the feeling. I pray she didn’t hear me. She doesn’t seem to notice, so I relax. I guiltily turn my head and rub my face and beard on her supple breasts. She giggles quietly, and I stop knowing that if I move any more she would realize I was awake. I start drifting off to sleep again.  
“I love you.” I heard her small whisper. I’d be lying if I said I thought it was a dream. I kept still and silent, she would know I was awake and just heard her secret if I budged. I didn’t know what to think. Why the hell would she love me? She barely knows me. Then, the wheels in my head start to turn, and I can’t help but think about how beautiful she is. It’s always hard to keep eye contact with her, he large green eyes looking at me as though she knows every fiber of my being. I also can’t help but think about how well she treats her younger sister. It’s almost motherly, but it’s not overbearing. I laugh to myself when I think about she’ll tell her sister to watch her mouth. My hand idly moves from her waist to her hip, and she sighs in her sleep. I love the feel of her skin. It’s not rough with years of battle scars, but it’s soft. I love that she is so stubborn. She makes me fucking angry at times, but I could fight with her all day if it meant that we could fuck each other like we did tonight. She could kill a man with her mouth in more than one way. I smile up at her.  
Her hair is splayed across her pillow, lips parted, and she looks gorgeous. I wish that I had a camera at that moment. I could keep this moment forever. I lay down again, and I continue to analyze everything. I couldn’t be in love with her. I barely know this woman. Then again, I slept with her. I hadn’t slept with anybody since Tess and I got together once a few years ago, and that was nothing like tonight. I can’t love this woman. I can’t love. I don’t want to love because I lose people I love, and I’m done with that. I don’t love her.  
That’s a lie.  
*** I look up and Ellie is walking slumped, I’m sure she’s ready to lay in an actual bed. I can’t wait to lay in an actual bed.  
“Almost there, kid.” I say shouting up to her.  
Her shoulders straighten. I can tell she ready to be back. She’s ready to see her sister. Hell. I’m ready to see Kira too. I want to kick myself for leaving her the way I did. I wanted to grab her and hold her when she almost started crying when we were leaving. I wanted to kiss her and show her that I cared, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave her with an empty promise. What if something had happened? She would never have forgiven me. Nothing happened though. Well, nothing horrible.  
I look up, and I see the damn doors. It’s been forever since we were here last. Ellie runs up to the door and shouts, “Hello!” We hear voices, and the door opens for us. Tommy comes out, and he grabs ahold of me, and hugs me.  
“Glad to see you back here, brother.” He beams up at me. I’m tired, but I give him a huge smile. Ellie runs up to him, and gives a quick hug.  
“Where’s Kira?” She asks. My heart thumps against my chest at the sound of that name.  
“I think she’s at the stables. You can go see her yourself. I told Maria to wait. I thought you could surprise her.” He winks. Then he looks back at me.  
Ellie starts to run ahead. “Hold up, kid.” She looks back at me and gives me a look that says ‘fuck off’, but in her sweet Ellie way. I pick up my pace wanting to see the woman I left behind. Tommy keeps at my side. “I’ll tell you what happened later. ‘Kay?” I say. He smiles knowing that I’m just tired from the long journey. I see his smile falter.  
“What’s the matter?” I ask directly. I know he won’t lie to me.  
“It’s Kira.” He states subtly.  
“What about ‘er?” I inquire, my mind goes in all kinds of directions.  
“It’s not bad, just surprising. You’ll see.” Tommy says.  
I’m frustrated because I want to know what the hell is up with Kira. I flex my fist and then ball it up again. Worry taking over. Then I see her. Her hair is shorter. Maybe that’s the surprise. She laughs at something Ellie says, and then she sees me. Her eyes go wide, and then tears form. Ellis is standing in front of her, and I want to run up and push Ellie out of the way, and kiss Kira. She blushes making her beautiful face light up, and she just stands there. Then I reach her.  
“Hi.” I say shakily.  
“Hi.” He voice like honey.  
Ellie is still standing between us. Ellie beams up and says, “I think you both need to talk about some things.” I look at Kira’s face, and she flushes again. Ellie moves, and that’s when I see it.  
My eyes go wide, and I look from her face to her belly. I step forward, and I place a hand on the bulge, and she shutters. I look into her eyes. I don’t know what to say, so she speaks for me.  
“Please say something?” her honeyed voice speaks quietly and I can sense her nervousness.  
“I… Is it mine?”  
She giggles, “Yes.”  
I smile, “Huh.”  
“Cross my heart.” She blinks through her long eyelashes.  
My hands move from her belly to her face. She leans into them, and sighs. I step closer to her, and bump her belly a little. She giggles again. “God. You’re beautiful.” I say looking at her eyes. They sweeten, and then they become mischievous. Her hands find my waist.  
“I love you too.” I say as I put my forehead against hers. A tear escapes her eye, and I wipe it.  
“Don’t cry, baby.” She shutters. I kiss her lips brusquely. I kiss her mouth, her cheek, her forehead, everywhere I can each kiss I whisper those secret words. “I love you.”


End file.
